The unruly creature we call “change” has taken control of my life since the last time I’ve gone to write. Whether it’s a startling push in the right direction or a terrific disaster, I’m not yet sure what to make of it. In the face of unfamiliarity, I know one can only go through the curtain and be prepared for what awaits them on the other side.
The addition of a new family member has certainly brightened up my hectic household, bringing a sense of energy and youth with it; that new member would be a three month-old kitten I named Juno, and what an experience it has been! I feel I finally have a sense of duty, a responsibility to take care and nurture something precious and full of life. As we bond with each passing day, I’ve been reunited with a connection I had lost a long time ago. Though we’ve come across challenges and frustrations along the way, I’m hoping having Juno around will be a good change of pace.
Along with this has come another big change: we’re moving in two days. Living in my current apartment for eight years now, it’s hard to believe I’m finally saying goodbye. Of course, moving my step-father and step-sister in has made living here a bit of a squeeze now, so perhaps the move is a change for the better. As a person who prefers to settle, I have mixed feelings about our new home, and the fear of sleeping under that unfamiliar ceiling with a new view outside the window is daunting in itself. There are countless cardboard boxes stacked against my bedside and the walls are painfully bare. Tomorrow will be another agonizing wait as I anticipate the stress of starting over in a new house. Will there be problems there? Can I adjust well? Will it ever feel like home? I’m having trouble gathering my thoughts on everything.
Other things have also been on my mind. My mother and step-sister recently found jobs, leaving me to be the only one without an income. As I graduate in two years, they insist there’s no rush, but I’m concerned about our finances. The constant struggle of paying the bills and keeping food on the table is more than enough to put pressure on me to begin job hunting. However, my anxiety is the ever-present wall blocking my way to transitioning into an independent person. My elder brother, who has proven to be my closest friend, is moving away into his own apartment as well. I’m torn between loneliness and the need for an income, and along with everything else happening, it’s simply overwhelming. The flying time only seems to push me closer to the idea of becoming independent, but yet I’m afraid to cross that line.
As the days pass, I look forward to a better future in my new home. I’m starting to realize that I must decide whether I will let my fears hold me down or stand up and push myself out of my comfort zone. If I can both embrace change and treat it with caution, then hopefully this big transition will go more smoothly than I thought it might.